All's Fair in Love and War
by sparky128
Summary: Merlin/Arthur. Whoever had thought up the concept of sex on the backseat of a car must have been mentally deficient. And all those people who thought it was sexy were seriously mistaken. Merlin and Arthur have sex in the back of a car.


**Title:** All's Fair in Love and War

**Author:** topperchar

**Characters:** Merlin/Arthur (various OCs and other canon characters mentioned in passing)

**Rating:** NC-17

**Word Count:** 2,222

**Summary: **Whoever had thought up the concept of sex on the backseat of a car must have been mentally deficient. And all those people who thought it was sexy were seriously mistaken.

**Warnings: **Naughty language, mention of bondage (but none in this fic), sex in the back of a car.

**A/N:** Firstly, I want to point at the word count and laugh. Isn't that cool? I didn't even mean to do that! *cough cough* I'm now going to pretend I didn't just say that and pretend I am not as lame as I blatantly am. So, this is my first ever smut piece and I am ridiculously nervous about posting it! It is sort of a sequel to COD but you don't have to have read that to be able to read this. Um, I hope you enjoy and it is ok. If there are any mistakes then I apologize and please go easy on me, as I said before, my first time ever of writing smut. So, this is me, losing my smut virginity. Yay!

**Disclaimer:** Anything you recognize probably doesn't belong to me. Thank you BBC for letting me play with your characters. Enjoy!

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Whoever had thought up the concept of sex on the backseat of a car must have been mentally deficient. And all those people who thought it was sexy were seriously mistaken. That included Arthur, who was clearly as brainless as he looked and had some weird aversion to beds. Merlin couldn't see what was wrong with beds. He liked beds. They were soft and springy and roomy. And the backseat of a car was not any of those things. He banged his elbow against the window for the fifth time and swore colourfully. Stupid bloody car, why does it have to be bloody plastic?

"For Christ's sake Merlin, what is wrong with you?" Arthur, who had miraculously managed to remove his shirt without attempting to elbow a hole through the window, asked from where he was kneeling between Merlin's legs on the seat. His voice was tinged with annoyance, but the fond look he sent his boyfriend and the hands which helped Merlin tug his shirt over his head ruined the effect.

After finally removing the restricting clothing, Merlin flopped back, banging his head against the door. He groaned in pain and decided he was never _ever_ going to listen to another one of Arthur's stupid plans ever again. Ever. No matter how many times he said, "Please Merlin," and gave him that ridiculous wide-eyed, pleading look.

Then Arthur's face came back into Merlin's slightly starry line of vision and he grinned that grin that made Merlin's stomach flip and his legs tremble and he felt his newly-found resolve crumbling as Arthur pressed a soft kiss to his temple and muttered, "Idiot."

"I hate you." Merlin kicked his foot half-heartedly, making a vague attempt to wiggle out from under him. He wasn't sure where he would wiggle to as it was a car and so had quite limited wiggle space.

Arthur laughed and kissed him again, on the mouth this time. "I love you too, _baby_."

Merlin groaned and shoved at the blonde. "Don't call me baby." It was blatantly obvious that Arthur only called him it because he knew how much it annoyed him and if Merlin stopped complaining then Arthur would stop too. Merlin hadn't figured that one out just yet.

Arthur didn't reply, choosing to trace his hand down and across the flat planes of Merlin's stomach instead. He reached his jeans and brushed his knuckles over the hardness beneath. There wasn't nearly enough pressure, but it still made Merlin keen and push his hips up.

"You are such an arse," the slighter boy panted between gasps as Arthur kept up his teasing, slipping his hand inside then pulling back and up to pinch a nipple.

Arthur bowed his head to nip at Merlin's jaw. "Now that's no way to talk to someone who's about to fuck you blind, now is it?" He punctuated the words with a rough press of his hand to Merlin's aching cock.

Merlin gasped and writhed, desperately trying to get some friction. "Arthur." The word came out sounding like a plea, but for what he didn't know.

Arthur bit at Merlin's collarbone and deftly popped open his jeans, slipping a hand inside his boxers to wrap around him. He pumped once, twice, before releasing him and leaning up.

Merlin whined embarrassingly and tried to follow, but the hand on his chest kept him in place. He was painfully hard from all the teasing and was not above begging if Arthur didn't get on with it. Thankfully, it seemed Arthur was also through with the teasing. He tugged a condom and two packets of lube from his back pocket.

"Legs up," Arthur demanded and Merlin obediently lifted his feet. The blonde yanked Merlin's jeans off with a little fumbling ("Shoes normally come off first, Arthur dear." "Shut up, Merlin.") and made fast work of his boxers, leaving Merlin completely naked, feeling vulnerable and exposed.

The road they had chosen to stop on was deserted and well off the beaten track so it was almost certain no one would interrupt, but Merlin was still terrified that a farmer would come along with his sheep and see them or the noise would draw some concerned citizen. He wasn't exactly quiet. Yet… the possibility of being found made it all more thrilling and made the sensations of Arthur's tongue pushing into his mouth and his clothed cock rubbing against his own overwhelming.

"Arthur," Merlin's blunt fingernails dug into his shoulders as his leg hooked over Arthur's hip, "Arthur please. I want… please. I - I want…"

"What?" The question was breathed into his hair as the blonde rocked his body harder against Merlin's. "What do you want?"

Merlin's hands slipped into his hair. "You," he answered.

Arthur groaned and kissed him, hard and fast and demanding. It made a pitiful, embarrassing sound rise in Merlin's throat. The blonde pulled back and ripped open one of the packets which had fallen to the floor. A slicked, probing finger traced back from his balls to find his hole. Arthur rubbed against him before pushing the tip of his finger past the rim. Merlin whimpered and shoved his hips down on Arthur's finger, trying to push him deeper and failing as the blonde pulled his hand back and started tracing his hole again.

"Fucking tease," Merlin bit out, grasping Arthur's wrist to speed his movements and failing again.

Arthur chuckled darkly and pushed his finger back in to the first knuckle. "You like it."

The answering groan was testimony to that.

After more teasing and a lot of groaning, cursing and pleading from Merlin, Arthur started stretching him properly. He added another finger and curled them against _that_ spot, sending Merlin's hips shooting up and startling a gasped curse from him. The third finger was a burn and had the slighter boy biting down on a whimper. He felt like crying for how ready he was; his cock was throbbing almost painfully, but Arthur was refusing to hurry the fuck up.

"Arthur," he whined, back arching and hands clawing at the other's shoulder and that would really be mortifyingly embarrassing if he wasn't so far gone.

Arthur brushed his lips against Merlin's cheekbone and whispered in his ear, "Hush baby, it's all right." He scissored his fingers, making Merlin see stars.

Merlin growled, partly because he called him baby _again_ and partly because that was not what he had wanted at all. "Don't call me baby and hurry up and fuck me already you bastard."

The blonde shook his head and tutted. "Such a filthy mouth." The hard line of his cock was pressing against Merlin's thigh, still in his jeans. How that was not driving him crazy when it was making Merlin completely lose his mind, he didn't know.

"If you get on with it then I'll show you just how dirty my mouth can be." Merlin smirked as Arthur's pupils dilated.

"Right." He pulled his fingers free, leaving Merlin empty and open. His muscles clenched on air as Arthur fumbled with the condom and lube. Then he was back, body pressing into Merlin's, his hand steadying him by Merlin's head and breath mingling with Merlin's. "Fuck, you're beautiful." Arthur's voice was quiet and Merlin didn't have a chance to reply before Arthur had pushed in, forcing the air from Merlin's lungs in a gasp.

They stayed like that, panting into each others mouths, foreheads together and Arthur with his cock stuffed huge in Merlin's tight arse for all of three seconds before Merlin groaned and hooked both legs round Arthur's waist, shifting the angle and urging him to move.

Arthur's hips stuttered forward, forcing him into Merlin further till he was balls deep and hardly breathing. Then he pulled back and rocked forward.

Merlin met him thrust for thrust till Arthur was back on his knees, Merlin's legs wrapped round his waist, grip bruising on his hips and fucking into him with hard, unrestrained thrusts. Merlin was babbling a litany of "Fuck, yes. Arthur. God... Nngh. Please, yes yes yes, more. Fuuuuck." Arthur's grunts and pants were lost in Merlin's babble and the slick sound of flesh against flesh.

They lost their rhythm as they got closer and it only took Arthur squeezing Merlin's cock to have him shouting and falling over the edge, the clench of his muscles around Arthur's cock pulling him over after another thrust.

Arthur collapsed onto Merlin, panting into his neck and cock softening in his arse. Merlin ran his hands through his sweaty hair and peppered kisses over any part of him he could reach – shoulder, neck, cheek. They stayed in their tangle of limbs till the come started drying in a sticky and really disgusting way on Merlin's stomach and the muscles in his legs, which were still round Arthur's waist, started screaming at him to let them down.

"Get off." Merlin shoved weakly at Arthur's shoulder and glanced out the steamy windows, wondering if anyone had seen them. He was suddenly hit by the strange desire to do it all over again so he could leave a hand print on the window like in Titanic. He shook his head and resolved 1) never to tell Arthur what he had just thought and 2) never to stay up watching cheesy romance films with Gwen and Morgana before letting Arthur talk him into having sex in the back of a car… or any other weird and wonderful place he thought it would be hot to have sex.

Arthur made a small movement before stilling again. "'m fine here," he slurred.

Merlin narrowed his eyes at the blonde tufts of hair poking him in the ear. "Well I'm not."

The blonde wiggled again. "Can't move."

"Neither can I." Merlin exaggerated his point by trying to move his arm, which was trapped under Arthur's shoulder. He tapped his head. "Off." A pause. "Please," he added belatedly.

Arthur grunted and for a second Merlin thought he was going to stay pinning him to the sweat-sticky leather and making his hand tingle with lack of blood, but he did move – slowly. His cock slipped from him and made him shudder. The deep, pleasant, throbbing ache was already setting in. It would make sitting across from Gaius talking about his day over dinner a rather interesting affair.

His boyfriend flopped back, leaning against the other side of the car. He grinned at Merlin as he pulled his clothes back on. Merlin was very aware that he was still totally naked, but he didn't feel much up to moving and was wondering if he could convince Arthur to put his clothes back on for him when his voice cut across his fuzzy musings.

"Aren't my ideas just the most brilliant things ever?" Arthur grinned, smug, and knocked his foot against Merlin's.

In all honesty, car sex wasn't as bad as Merlin had thought it would be, he'd even go as far as to say it was… well, hot. But there was no way he was telling Arthur that. "I have bruises on my bruises."

"You always have bruises on your bruises," Arthur shot back with a pout, clearly not happy. "You're a clumsy idiot."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

Arthur sighed. "I'm not playing that game with you-"

"Because you know you'll lose," Merlin interrupted with a triumphant grin.

Arthur scowled. "You walked into a lamppost yesterday."

"So?"

"Clumsy."

"Am not."

The blonde made a frustrated sound and threw his hands into the air. "That's not even a proper comeback."

"Is too." Merlin grinned cheekily.

Arthur leant forward and poked him in the ribs."Don't."

Merlin stuck out his tongue.

"Such a child." Arthur smiled fondly at him and kissed the tip of his nose.

"You smell like sex," Merlin murmured, pulling Arthur down for a kiss.

Arthur returned the kiss, but pulled away too quickly for Merlin to be satisfied. "You look like sex and need to get dressed," he dodged Merlin's attempt to kiss him again, "before a farmer comes along with his sheep and sees you." Arthur smirked and nipped playfully at his jaw.

"Will you dress me?" Merlin asked, making his eyes wide and innocent.

"Dress yourself." But he was already picking up Merlin's clothes for him.

"I can't. You broke me."

Arthur sighed. "I did not break you." He pulled Merlin into a sitting position. The slighter boy hissed as his abused muscles tensed and Arthur pressed his lips against his shoulder, running a soothing hand down his back. "Ok?"

Merlin nodded. "You know," he started conversationally once the pain had subsided and Arthur had finished sliding his shirt over his sex hair, "car sex isn't completely awful, I guess."

Arthur beamed at him. "Wait till you try bath sex."

"I am not having sex with you in a bath." Another one of those sexy-sounding, painful, ill-conceived fantasies. The water would get _everywhere_.

Arthur shrugged. "We'll see," he said lightly. "You said the same thing about the car."

Merlin had a feeling he'd have very little choice in the matter, but that was fine. Morgana had bought him a set of handcuffs for his birthday and he was dying to have a play with them. If Arthur got bath and car sex then Merlin got bondage.

All's fair in love and war after all.

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Finis. Feedback would be lovely. Thank you for reading!


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